The Difference Between Being Bossy & Being The Boss

Supposedly, the written exam portion of the foreign service exam is really difficult. Approximately 17% of the people who take it pass. If you do pass it, you move on to the oral exam section, which takes the better part of a day (scheduled at a distant date in the future at the pleasure of the State Department’s employees), and which really is difficult. The most difficult part of the oral examination is a group exercise, in which the successful applicant will display leadership and initiative whilst simultaneously not forcing her opinion on everyone else, and, at least as far as appearances go, work with the other members of the group to form a consensus. As they are asking the prospective candidate to do two things which are just about contradictory, it’s pretty damned hard. Both of the times I’ve taken the "oral assessment" this is the section I’ve had the most trouble with.

Last week, before my departure for New Orleans, my mother told me that my experience here could provide excellent practice in that area. And she’s right. Because when a bunch of volunteers are building a house, nobody really knows what they’re doing, and no one is really in charge. Some people will take charge because they’re natural leaders, and some people will take charge because they’re anxious and feel the need to tell everyone what to do.

When I was little kid, I saw a movie called Space Camp at the Springfield Mall. Had this movie not made such an impression, I might not have ended up going to Space Camp myself. (Unlike the characters in the film, I was not accidentally launched into space by a friendly robot.) One of the things I remember about the film, besides the fact that Lea Thompson and Kelly Preston, especially, looked totally foxy, is the following quote: "there’s a difference between being the boss and being bossy." Word. When you’re bossy, people might do what you say, and if they do, it’s because they don’t feel that strongly, or perhaps because they’re non-confrontational, or perhaps they agree with your course of action but don’t much care for your delivery, but are willing to let that slide. (Or maybe when it’s a volunteer thing, and all of us gave up our time and money to travel to Louisiana and help others, so it’s petty to argue with someone because they want to be in charge.) But when you’re the boss, ideally, people will do what you say because you have the best ideas, or perhaps because you have the best oratorical skills and you can form a consensus, and you can convince everyone that you have the best vision and then unite all of them in support of executing that vision. This is an important thing to remember the next time you’re at an event where no one is really in charge.