5 – No Holds Barred (1989)In an extremely counterintuitive bit of casting, Hulk Hogan is cast as a popular wrestler in this genre picture. The plot is pretty much a rehash of those boxing pictures they used to make back in the thirties and forties: popular athlete is courted by an unsavory promoter (Kurt Fuller, who also played unsavory types in Wayne’s World & Ghostbusters 2), but the upright athlete insists on honoring his existing commitment, causing the unsavory promoter to go after the upright athlete’s family (in this case, his brother). The wrestling scenes are pretty good, but this film is most notable for launching the career of Tom “Tiny” Lister. An extremely large and intimidating-looking man, Lister played “Zeus,” the evil wrestler who is enlisted by the unsavory promoter to put the hurt on the upright athlete. In a case of art imitating life, Lister went on to briefly wrestle as Zeus in the WWF. Later he assayed such challenging roles as Deebo in Friday and Next Friday, and the President of the Solar System in The Fifth Element.
4 – Rocky III (1982)
Granted, The Hulkster barely appears in this movie at all. But his character is named Thunderlips! How cool is that? And how can you dislike a film that has Hulk Hogan, Sylvester Stallone, Carl Weathers AND Mr. T? (Rocky III contains the first recorded use of Mr. T’s iconic “I pity the fool” catchphrase.) The combination of Messrs. Hogan and T in this film eerily presages the transcendent moment in 1985 when they would step into the ring together at the first Wrestlemania.
3 – Mr. Nanny (1993)
Finally, noted character actor Austin Pendleton gets to step into a leading role! As a single father and tech company owner, he hires The Hulkster (playing a former wrestler) as a bodyguard for his children. Why would they need a bodyguard, you ask? Well the father has developed some sort of microchip that can control the world or something, and evil mastermind Buster Poindexter is intent on extracting it anyway he can. I don’t know how many times I have to say this, but when you are presented with a script in which you are paired with little children, just say no. Arguably, this film set some sort of horrible precedent of the tough guy teaching the adorable kids some discipline while they teach him to love. For other examples, see Vin Diesel in The Pacifier or The Rock’s upcoming The Game Plan. One of the adorable kids here is played by Robert Hy Gorman, fresh off his success as one of the “three guys that move” in Leprechaun. The first installment of the madcap misadventures of everyone’s favorite bloodthirsty Irish gnome was also Jennifer Aniston’s film debut.
2 - Thunder In Paradise (1993)
This straight-to-video nautical thriller was also the pilot for a short-lived syndicated television show. The Hulkster and Jack Lemmon’s son portray ex-Navy Seals with cool nicknames: Randall “Hurricane” Spencer and Martin “Bru” Brubaker, respectively. Based on Florida’s Gulf Coast, Hurricane and Bru travel around the world in their kick-ass speedboat (the “Thunder” of the title) getting into adventures and fighting bad guys. On their downtime, widower Hurricane works hard as a single parent to his precocious blonde daughter while Bru futilely attempts to mack on local bar-owner Carol Alt. Carol Alt is probably the most redeeming thing about this show. She is so fine. Definitely one of Sports Illustrated foxiest swimsuit models of the ‘80s, and that’s saying something. She’s well into her forties now, and I bet she still looks slammin’. Sadly, the eponymous series that followed this film only lasted one season on TNT, perhaps because it missed the “super-vehicle as a character in the show” trend by roughly a decade.
1 - Suburban Commando (1991)
I would love to meet the studio executive who said to himself, “You know, I bet Hulk Hogan and Christopher Lloyd would make a great on-screen pair.” I wonder if this was the same individual who decided that a romcom starring James Woods & Dolly Parton was a brilliant idea. In Suburban Commando, The Hulkster portrays some sort of interplanetary crime-fighter whose spaceship crash lands on Earth. (This premise is remarkably similar to the 1990 Dolph Lundgren classic I Come In Peace, which came out only a year earlier.) His first experience on the planet where he finds himself temporarily marooned takes place in an abandoned roller rink. Using his advanced technology to reactivate the long-dormant electrical appliances in the rink, he is greeted by the funky sounds of the KC & The Sunshine Band deep cut “Do You Wanna Go Party.” Anyway, our extrasolar protagonist soon makes the acquaintance of a nebbishy family man and middle manager portrayed by Christopher Lloyd (who is actually the straight man here). The earthling teaches the alien to relax, and the alien teaches the earthling to stand up to his tyrannical boss (played by Larry Miller, whose career is largely based on playing pricks). Together, this odd couple learns a few lessons about tolerance, courage and understanding.
