This past Monday I enjoyed the newest episode of "the worst show on network television." I was reminded of why I watch this show: Lt. Horatio Caine had a line in the first couple of minutes that was a true howler. For those of you unfamiliar with the format of the "CSI" shows, they usually open with a death. In this case, a wife (played by Leslie Bibb of "Popular" and See Spot Run) is giving a speech at a fund-raising party in the backyard of her tony Coconut Grove home. Champagne corks are popped, but the final pop sounds a bit different. It's a gunshot! Heavens! Her husband then stumbles off the balcony above her and falls onto a serendipitously placed ice sculpture, which impales him. This is all a set-up for Horatio's comment, of course. Alexx the Coroner remarks, "shooting somebody in broad daylight, at a party with all these people; that's cold-blooded." Horatio looks at the impaled corpse, puts on his glasses, and half-whispers, "It's cold as ice." (Sadly, this was followed by the usual Who theme song, rather than Foreigner, which would have been absolutely perfect.)
It seems like this season they're not even trying to maintain any sort of link with reality, however tenuous. The show is getting so absurd it's almost crossed into the realm of the surreal. On a recent episode a hunter was mauled by a grizzly. In the Everglades! This past Monday, the wife turns out to have an identical twin that her husband didn't know about. But wait, it gets even better! Halfway through the show, for no apparent dramatic reason, it turns out there's a third sister! They're identical triplets! As if this weren't ridiculous enough, it turns out the husband has hired some guy to have plastic surgery to resemble him so he can act as a double. Come on! It's hard for me to believe that the writers actually expect people to take this seriously. This level of silliness has to be intentional.
And another thing: why do people always confess immediately the instant they are confronted with the slimmest sliver of evidence? Here's how it usually transpires:
Lt. Caine: I understand you've been looking for your lucky peppermill. Well, we found it. At the dead girl's apartment.
Suspect: Yes, it's true, I killed her. Please cuff me and make me do the perp walk now.
For more information on this week's episode, you can check out the CBS page here: http://www.cbs.com/primetime/csi_miami/episodes/518/
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